My Favorite Products From Clownantics.com

Posted by goofpunk on Tagged Jokes, Clowns

The other day, I discovered one of my new favorite websites, clownantics.com, a website that refers to it as "Your one-stop clown shop" and the "Leading clown supply website", with over four thousand products. I'm no clown expert (at least not yet, but a person can dream, can't they?), but I have no reason not to believe them, they've been in business since 1988. I wanted to take some time today to go over some of my favorite items on this site, and share them with you.

Jest String Clown Nose

a woman wearing a red clown nose, held to her face by a string around the back of her head

Now, I know what you're thinking: a clown nose off the bat? Isn't this kind of jumping right into the deep end of tomfoolery? Don't worry, though, I've checked, and this is a beginner clown nose, none of those advanced japes here.

The 8th Day God Made Clowns

This is really just a perfect product. I have nothing to say here that isn't said better by Lily K, a verified buyer of this badge:

A review from a user named Lily K, which reads "With this badge, I can tell everyone I see about Gods greatest creation: clowns. I've been dubbed the coolest kid in town since purchasing this. I've got chicks flocking to me and when their jealous boyfriends ask what's made me such a babe-magnet, I tell them my "The 8th Day God Made Clowns" badge from clownantics.com. 10/10 purchase."

A 22 Inch Long Plastic Syringe

A comically large toy syringe

Now I personally have a legitimate fear of needles: I nearly pass out any time I have to get blood work done, and I can't even watch someone get an injection or donate blood. It makes me feel incredibly anxious and sickly. But this product's beauty is that it allows me to confront that fear via comedy, and isn't that what jokes are all about?

Fifty Pink Foam E's

A 3D text graphic that says "Pink E's" with for capital E's underneath

Not to be confused with the Foam Clean X's, which are used for brushing with a duster (sold separately) to make a Kleenex pun. Unfortunately, they don't sell foam S's, preventing me from spelling out the funniest joke ever, but they do sell Foam I's in pink and black, and Foam "Free B's", if you're interested in either of those.

Merry Christmas Stickers

A round graphic of Santa and Rudolph standing in front of a wreath, with the words "Merry Christmas" over them

Because even clowns celebrate our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ's birthday. Or maybe this is just on here because Rudolph has a red nose? That feels cheap. I hope it's not that.

"I Met A Shrine" Stickers

A round decal with a clown face wearing a fez on one side, and the text "I MET A SHRINE CLOWN TODAY" on the other

Now this one is really a niche product, because not only is it for clowns, it's specifically for clowns who are members of the Ancient Arabic Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, which means they must also be a Master Freemason. Apparently this is a common thing, so common that they are "the most visible ambassadors of the Shrine organization", and not like, the massive network of children's hospitals. Weird.